Wedding Attendant Roles and Responsibilities

Make sure your attendants know their responsibilities before they say yes

It’s likely that when you asked your family and friends to be part of your big day they immediately said “yes” and broke into a big smile. However, before you let them officially commit to the ceremony, it’s a good idea to make sure they know what their responsibilities will be and what you expect on your wedding day. A traditional breakdown of the bridal party’s obligations follows.

Maid or Matron of Honor

Your right hand or second in command on your wedding day is your maid or matron of honor (MOH). The person you select to be your MOH should be the person who’s closest to you, so choose wisely. A sister, best friend, roommate, or even your mother can fill this role. Or, if you determine you don’t want anyone but your brother or best male friend to be next to you during the ceremony, why not go ahead and ask them to be your man or honor.

The MOH’s traditional duties usually include:

  • Assisting the bride with pre-wedding tasks
  • Coordinating all of the attendants for dress shopping and fittings
  • Purchasing her own attire for the wedding
  • Hosting a shower or bachelorette party with the attendants, and attending all other pre-wedding events
  • Helping the bride dress on her wedding day
  • Arranging the bride’s dress at the altar and holding the bridal bouquet if needed. The MOH is also responsible for holding the groom’s ring during the ceremony.
  • Signing the marriage license as one of two witnesses
  • Giving a toast at the reception at the bride’s request
  • Assisting the bride with any tasks after the reception

If you are leaving on your honeymoon right after your wedding, you can ask your MOH to take your gown into be cleaned and preserved. She can also help load and transport wedding gifts from the reception to your home.

Best Man

The honor of being best man is usually given to the groom’s brother or closest friend, but in many instances, the groom has chosen to have his father in this position. As the maid of honor is the bride’s right hand, the best man acts as second in command for the groom. However, if your future husband is closest to his sister or his best friend is a woman, there’s no rule that says neither one of them can act as his honor attendant. The choice is entirely up to him.

The best man’s traditional duties include:

  • Assisting the groom with any pre-wedding tasks
  • Coordinating the bachelor party with the other groomsmen
  • Renting or purchasing his own formal attire
  • Helping the groom dress and take care of any last-minute details before the ceremony
  • Keeping the bride’s wedding ring safe until it is requested during the wedding
  • Signing the marriage license as one of two witnesses
  • Proposing a toast to the couple during the reception
  • Handing out sealed envelopes containing payments to the officiants, servers, and wedding professionals
  • Escorting the newly married couple to their limousine or car, and often serving as chauffer to their honeymoon suite or home
  • Coordinating the return of tuxedo rentals following the wedding

The best man should also work with the maid or matron of honor to make sure all of the gifts are transported from the reception site to the couple’s home after the celebration.

Bridesmaids

Family, close friends and future in-laws of the bride are often chosen as bridesmaids. Who to choose and how many to choose is entirely up to you. Once again, there’s no rule that says you can’t have friends of the opposite sex as attendants. However, you probably don’t want to call your male friends bridesmaids. The title honor attendant in much more appropriate and gender neutral.

The bridesmaids’ traditional duties include:

  • Assisting the bride with any pre-wedding tasks
  • Attending all pre-wedding parties and luncheons, and assisting the maid or matron of honor with bachelorette party or bridal shower preparations
  • Purchasing their own bridesmaid attire
  • Providing support and helping with any last-minute details before the wedding
  • Sitting at the designated table during the reception and if requested, dancing with the groomsmen during the couple’s first dance

Groomsmen

The perfect choices for your groom’s attendants are his closest friends and family. While it’s not required that the number of groomsmen be the same as the number of bridesmaids, it does look better for photos and walking down the aisle. However, a groomsman should never be asked just to even out the number of attendants on each side. It’s important that the groom selects his groomsmen based on who has been there for him and supported him through thick and thin, not who he thinks will look good in a tuxedo.

The groomsmen’s traditional duties include:

  • Assisting the groom and best man with any pre-wedding tasks
  • Helping the best man plan the bachelor party
  • Renting or purchasing their own formal attire
  • Providing support and helping with any last-minute details before the wedding
  • Sitting at the designated table during the reception and if requested, dancing with the bridesmaids during the couple’s first dance
  • Decorating the getaway car and taking care that no damage is done to the vehicle

Ushers

If you have a large number of loved ones you’d like to include in your wedding party, you might want to have designated ushers. Some couples have their groomsmen serve as ushers, however, if you have a large family or group of friends, one way to include them in the ceremony is to ask them to be ushers. Traditionally, ushers have always been men. But in today’s world, both men and women can serve as ushers. The attire for ushers should be the same or at least complementary to that of the other attendants.

The usher’s traditional duties include:

  • Attending all pre-wedding events such as showers and parties (depending on gender)
  • Purchasing (or renting) their own formal attire
  • Assisting the bride and groom with any last-minute details before the wedding
  • Seating the guests for the wedding ceremony
  • Unrolling the aisle runner in preparation for the bride’s walk down the aisle
  • Dismissing the guests from their rows following the ceremony
  • Sitting at the designated table during the reception

Just keep in mind that these people are your friends and loved ones and not your slaves. They are there to help you and only want the best for you but expecting too much is a guaranteed strain on a friendship and an added stress to the planning process. Remember that no matter what role they play in your day, all of the participants in your wedding party should be thanked. A considerate gift and hand-written thank you note will show them how much you appreciate all of their help.

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